I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
