i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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