We won't sleep together?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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