I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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