I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
