What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
