Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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