why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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