we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
