I hate your face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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