I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
