Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
