I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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