I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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