she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
