I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
