I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
