And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
