Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
