I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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