I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
