At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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