just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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