When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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