Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
