Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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