evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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