when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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