that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
