Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm always down for nudity.
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