It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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