I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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