We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
