Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
