Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Randomize