he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
