I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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