too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
