I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
