what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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