dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
