Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
