nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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