I've blown a few things in my day
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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