Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
