I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
