Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize