I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
