you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
