Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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