He is such a slut. More and more my type.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
