Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
