I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was so not down for the gang bang
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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