Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
