sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize