I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
