i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
only if we run a train.
done.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
