All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize