It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
