I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
