Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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