fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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