Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
