Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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