Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize