I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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