So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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