is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
