I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
porn star boner night. come get it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
