oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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