it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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