I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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