The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
