The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
