I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
