just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
