hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
