when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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