Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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