wat bout pragnant strippers??
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
