What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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