My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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