So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
