Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
