He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
