i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
