Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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