at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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