you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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