dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
