real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
