I must be too annoying 4 u.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
