yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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