How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
