I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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