Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize