I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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