PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
