me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
