He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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