Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
