i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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