You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
