WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
