i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Watching her eat just hurts me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
