Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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