Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish you could order shots online.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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