Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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