Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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