shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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