I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
should my penis look like a turkey
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
