ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
