It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
