Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
